I go on

Time: 14:44
Date: December 30, 2009
Place: Work

I am writing this from the place I can't stand most in the world.

I was put in an awkward position today and it is not the first time.

I am sick and tired of what goes on in this place.

Unfortunately, every time I voice my feelings, I am given the same, monotonous line:
"You should feel lucky you have a job, a lot of people are out of work."

Let me make this very clear right now:

I DON'T BLOODY CARE!

Those people need a job, fine, they can have mine because I have had it with this place! I am disgusted with the long hours, for which I now no longer get paid as the company is in the toilet when it comes to finances, and the little pay I sometimes get, $10 per hour.

I know I've said this before elsewhere, but I can't stipulate or iterate this enough, I am not meant to be doing this job, I still believe I am meant to be doing something else.

I'm just not sure what that is!

Date: December 23, 2009
Time: 00:19
Place: Home

It's been a really long time since I've made any entries, and after a conversation with a colleague, and a small fit of panic, I've decided to write something.

I am afraid.

That's right, I'm afraid.

"But," I hear you ask, "of what are you afraid?"

Many things.

I am afraid of death, and I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid of closing my eyes to sleep for fear of never opening them again. I'm afraid of being rejection. I'm afraid of being rejected by people I want to be friends with. I'm afraid of being rejected by women I want to not only be friends with, but have a relationship with. I'm afraid of anything I submit for publication of being rejected. I'm afraid or being rejected when I apply for a job.

I'm afraid of being left alone and of being alone. Now I'm somewhat used to doing things by myself, but it would be nice to share those things with someone, preferably female.

And I'm afraid I probably wrote about all of this before.

Now, since I have written all of this out, do I feel any better?

No, I do not.

Step 2?

Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009
Time: 00:15
Place: Home

I have graduated from DeVry. I graduated Cum Laude, I received an award, and I now have a Bachelors' Degree in Business Administration.

Now I need to find a job that pays more than what I am now getting paid, $10 per hour, and will let me be creative, instead of being stifled at a construction contractor's office.