Journal Entry #34: Believability

Date: December 2, 2007
Time: 22:24

"He was hoist by his own petard."

I learned this expression while reading one of my science-fiction, or possibly it was a fantasy book, but in any event, this expression applies to me in a couple of ways.

I have been attending DeVry since April 2005, and all during that time, I have told many people how lousy I am in math. Unfortunately, with the grades I have gotten, no one believes me. Especially after getting a B in Statistics the first time out. I have been told that I have this tendency to needlessly worry over whether or not I'll pass a class, and lo and behold, I pass. So people tell me I worry over nothing.

If they only knew that it's my constant worrying that gives me the impetus to work my ass off.

Now, it is highly possible that anyone who has read that last line might have found it funny, or at the very least, somewhat humorous. This is another instance in which I find myself "hoist".

I use humor as a defence mechanism. It's not really much of a conscious thing, but I've used it so often, that even when I'm serious about something, people think I'm joking, or I'm trying to be funny. Even when I tell them that I'm not joking, or that I'm not kidding, they still have this inkling that maybe I am trying to be funny. Sadly, I'm not.

Through my writing, I have learned that I have a certain cadence to my speech, and I have a tendency to use that cadence when I write. It is as a result of this speech cadence that no matter what I say, it seems to come out as a joke. I've tried changing it, I've tried to not be funny, but nothing seems to work.

So my only recourse is to say nothing as much as I possibly can.

And I bet that to you, that sounded like a joke.