Journal Entry #15: Good For..?

Date: November 13, 2007
Time: 22:38

I have asked this question, I’ve posed it, and I’ve posited it, I’ve even begged it, “What am I good for?” And no one seems to know the answer. So I attempt to elaborate. I say “I know what I’m good at; I want to know what I’m good for.” Still no luck, still no answer, just quizzical looks. So I have to really get technical about it, I have to list all that I know how to do, all that I’ve learned so far, and then, just for kicks, I throw in the natural talents I bring when I walk in the door. I have this innate gift for remembering things.

When I was younger, we never needed a TV Guide in our house. I’d read through it, and then all anyone needed to do was give me the day and time and I would rattle off all of the programs that were on that night. To this day, I can remember the phone number we had when we lived in Brooklyn; I can also remember the phone number of this girl from my second grade class. Of course I can’t recall her last name for the life of me, but I can remember her phone number. I can remember almost anything I’ve ever read, heard, or seen in my entire life. I can go up to my bookcase, look at the title of a book, and start remembering words and sentences and plot points, all without looking at the back of the book, or cracking it open to refresh my memory with the first few sentences.

So I have a fantastic memory, when my brain is allowed to function normally, which it hasn’t been doing for quite some time now, I have a talent for writing, which I haven’t been able to seriously get to lately, and I have a pretty good imagination, which sort of lends itself to the writing aspect, but like that, my imagination has been losing its spark these days.

I need some time off from everything that I’m doing. I need for someone to give me a test that will show, once and for all, what I am good for. Every time I’m given some sort of aptitude test or, I don’t know, a functionality quiz, the answers always come out the same, “Best suited to work in an office.” or “Best suited to work in business surroundings.” And so and so on.

The reason why this happens each and every time is because of the content of the exam; they ask questions that, once the logical side of my brain takes over, there’s little hope in getting it to relinquish control. This is when my tunnel vision becomes a hindrance more than a help.

I want to know what I’m good for, I want to know where I fit in, and so far this place, DeVry, and my job, Office Administrator for a Construction Contractor, isn’t helping any.