Journal Entry #9: Accomplishments

Date: November 7, 2007
Time: 23:28

Ever accomplish anything? Before you answer, let me explain what I mean.

When I wrote my first story, the Doctor Who story where my friend meets the Doctor, I was so proud when I finished it. Not only was I proud of the fact that I wrote it, but that it took me such a short time in which to write it. I was so proud of it, I found a Kinko’s®, had them make up twenty copies, and had them bound. And none of that spiral binding, or that weird plastic wannabe spiral binding garbage either. No, I went with what they referred to as “Vellum Binding”. It features a clear plastic cover, a vinyl backing, and the pages and covers are riveted together. At the time, it cost $120.00, but at that time I didn’t care much about the price. Well, I did, but I figured it was worth it.

It was. I was thrilled when I got the copies. I gave a few of them away to friends, and I still have a few of them in a drawer. Of course, as I said in a previous post, it will never get published, but that doesn’t matter, it was the first story I ever wrote.

I got pretty much the same feeling when I wrote my first Original Story, but got an even better feeling when I got the notice that it was copyrighted.

So, each time I complete a story, or write a few lines or even a few pages, I feel as though I’ve accomplished something. That’s the thing with me. I have to feel I’ve accomplished something. I have to have the sense of it, I have to know it in my heart and mind and soul that I have done something.

Do you see? This is what I meant. Have you ever gotten that feeling that you’ve actually, honestly, truly accomplished something? If you have, great! If you haven’t, don’t despair, you’ll get that feeling sooner or later.

But I don’t have that feeling right now. I didn’t have it last week either. In fact, unless it has to do with something I’ve written, I’m not getting that feeling. Oh, and before you think you’ve got me trapped by my own words, you don’t. I’m not getting that feeling from doing this blog. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an interesting concept and all, but, like I said, I’m not getting that feeling, that sense, that I’ve accomplished something. And maybe I’m not supposed to get that with this, but I’m definitely not getting that feeling with the job I have, and I most assuredly did not feel it at all in my last job.

Oh sure, one of the managers I had told me how much I had accomplished by learning something we called the “Branch Office Support System”, and another manager told me that I learned it faster than anyone he’s ever seen get trained in it, but I just didn’t feel like I accomplished anything.

I don’t know, maybe I can’t really explain it.